Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
