i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
