I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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