My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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