What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my vag is so smooth its legendary
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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