you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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