i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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