My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
