He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
