Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
