"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Acid is not a monday night drug
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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