Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
