tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
