Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
