i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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