Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
