It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
