I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
