man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
