In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
