You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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