It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
