Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am available for nakedness
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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