I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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