i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
