I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
