i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
