The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
