I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
