I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
