im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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