I've blown a few things in my day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
