she looked like the bat from fern gully.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize