I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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