do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
