Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
