I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
