I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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