i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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