i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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