Dual....:-)
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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