Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
