the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
