so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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