one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
