Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
