I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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