M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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