need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
