...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
