About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
