Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
