We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize