Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
