Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
