I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
