I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
