Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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