haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
