If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We left an ass print on the piano.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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