dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
