I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
