Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
