I just saw a hot homeless man
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
