He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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