I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am mentally ready for anal.
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