ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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