o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
