the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
