I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
