I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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